What In Your Life Is Calling You?

“What in your life is calling you? When all noise is silenced, the meetings adjourned, the list laid aside, and the wild iris blooms by itself in the dark forest, what still pulls on your soul? In the silence between your heart beats hides a summons, do you hear it? Name it, if you must, or leave it forever nameless, but why pretend it is not there?” – The Terma Collective

People spend their entire lives looking for what drives them, what makes you, you. We look at our hobbies, and search for our passions, and through time we turn these things into what our world calls a “job.” It takes years of searching, digging, taking the wrong path but making the right turn to find yourself in the mist of things. In a world, so big you must have a mindset even bigger, think larger than the world itself, set goals that sound unattainable but believe they are your reality. To believe, tell yourself, repeat your success over and over, until you have made it clear to yourself that you have already attained these goals and it will set a path for your mind, and you must simply let your body follow.

For me, I ignored the sweet melody my soul played every time I enveloped myself in the things I loved. I grew up dancing, drawing, and creating things, these were the things that made me who I am, they were what I wanted to be. Throughout school however, people said, “pick something you can make a career out of.” Suddenly, I was searching for something new and when I couldn’t find anything outside of who I already was, I began hoping I would just fall into something. I completely stopped thinking about it because dancing and crafting were not a career choice in the eyes of the wise educators around me. I walked in the dark for many years, and even graduated high school with no direction of where I should have been going. It wasn’t until I was introduced to my first camera that a light was sparked inside of me.

Yes, I did photography for a while and I absolutely fell in love with it. My path was still dark but I had enough light to see the trails ahead. I began hearing the song that was once silent, and my creative side started to take shape. It was a beautiful thing, as I was seeing the world through my own lense and making sense of everything I wanted to capture. If the photo at hand was not to my standards, I merely took another shot. This ultimately led to my journey of scrap-booking, as I took my photos and laid them down into my own life’s story book. My photography weighed hard on my heart but as I got into college it slowly dwindled. I took a few courses and changed my path of direction a few times before realizing what had been in front of my face my entire life. I was a scrap booker, a crafter, I created and developed things my entire life, and I had finally stumbled upon engineering. Though they do not have courses that teach you how to craft, they do teach you how to create, build, problem solve, and the fundamentals of how things are made. This was my song and I have now learned to play it every day.

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Way Back When

My heart raced, tears fell down my cheeks and as I took a deep breath I let it out in a full-blown temper tantrum. While mom and dad were driving away, the doors were closing and faces surrounded me like an animal that was put on display. Yes, I was the new kid, dropped off for the first day of kindergarten!

I find it quit interesting that we remember so little from our childhood, however things filled with emotion stick with us for a life time. The past is not something to dwell on, and many believe we can even learn from it. They say the past is what makes us who we are today, so I wanted to take a few moments to recap a little bit of what has happened to myself since kindergarten.

Lets start in first grade, now I don’t remember much, but I do remember pretending to read. You heard me correctly, I pretended like I could read a book, I was a real grade-A actor at such a young age! With my finger underlining each word as I would scan the pages, I would mouth what I thought would look like the words on the page, and when I thought it was necessary I would simply pick up my little finger and place it over a word now and then. Now, you may ask why I am doing this particular action, and the answer is simple…they told us to skip words that we did not know, and I was doing just that! Oddly enough I am not telling this tale to let you know I could not read, or how marvelous of an actor I was becoming…I am telling you this so you know how it effected my future.

My family moved from California after the end of my 1st grade school year at Bradoaks. We ventured off to a small town, in the hot desert, a place we called home; Lake Havasu City, AZ. I began second grade here, and my acting skills slowly diminished when I was asked to test on all of the books I was “reading.” It didn’t take long before I was placed in a special reading class, along with speech classes, because its hard to read when you can’t pronounce your “s” and “r.”  Reaching the end of the school year I wish I could tell you I was reading like a champ, but odds where against me. I could barely read, and it turns out, my teachers found that I couldn’t spell very well either. Now, I would say that we could continue this story in third grade….but my life was like a broken record, and so we are stuck in second grade for now.

I am sure by now you are thinking, “Wow looks like she made it through since she is writing such an amazing blog! How did she do it?! I mean, all odds were against her!!”

I will tell you my secret. I lived my life one day at a time…

I repeated the second grade, and in doing so I learned how to read, and spell and even pronounce most of the human language properly(only English though!) Teachers pushed me toward success, and instead of saying “I can’t read this” I was sounding words out, and I was learning and finding love for something that was once my greatest weakness.Soon I excelled in my classes, and things became easier. I was no longer paddling up-stream in the current we call life, I began riding the waves, not knowing where the waters would take me.

Throughout my following school years, while many friends knew what they were doing and goals they wanted to reach, I drifted out into a sea of endless thoughts and emotions, with no final destination. What I am trying to get at is I have never paid too much attention to what lye ahead, and even though I recall my past, It is not who I am today. Living in the moment is a huge part of me now, I know my passions, and what I am capable of, so as long as I am moving forward each day in life I know my future will be bright. For me it has always been fun not knowing where my journey might take me but still feeling that I am on the right path. If something doesn’t work, I change it, and I move forward one day at a time. We learn new things everyday, so embrace it, seek change for a better tomorrow. Don’t let things hold you back, whether it be in school, work, or even hobbies.

If anyone is reading this still, I am sorry I rambaled on for so long, but always remember…if there is a will, there is a way.

 

~Feel free to leave comments on things that you have over come in life! Or if you are one to focus more on your future, past or present. Everyone is different and I would love to hear some stories! 🙂

 

Time and Tales

This blog will give you a little insight on that of which is my life. You will be taken on an adventure with me, whether it be past, present, or dare I say, “future.” First, I must ask, “how do we arrive at which we call the future..” Do we look upon our past for untold answers of how we got to our present day? Can we look at the day we are living now, to be our past of a brighter tomorrow? Time tells of many tales no matter which direction you are going, and time waits for no one. With that being said, stop dwelling on things that have already happened, stop making excuses for what could have happened, and make room for what you are making happen now. There is no particular rhyme nor rhythm for what goes into this blog of mine, but I hope someone gets at least  one thing out of it. Therefore I will tell my tales, I will speak of my doubts, and I will tell of my brighter tomorrow. In doing so, I anticipate many others to find themselves along with me in this crazed, beautifully, chaotic world that consumes our minds.

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